Thanks for sticking with the Faux News Patriots! The Deep State (definitely not the overwhelming sense of existential despair that caused the Prophet to need a break) kept us off the social medias for a few weeks, but they can’t keep us down forever! Every good MAGAt knows that no matter what the Libs try, they can’t keep us down; they spray us with logic and facts and we just keep coming back with our what-about-isms! What a week to come back to the present tense it is, MAGAts!
Speaking of this week, and last, the stock market has taken some hits, Republicans have learned not to do town halls, and prices still aren’t down. Also, the Libs talked about Ukraine like non-stop; get a room already! In addition, the Liberal Media has been saying things like, “Trump’s leash has been put on.” How dare they? If Trump were a dog, he would be the meanest Chihuahua you have ever met! He would bite his owner if they tried to put him on a leash, and everyone else! Hail King Trump!
Anyways, the Libs are trying to paint this dark picture like Trump doesn’t actually have ultimate power. Did he revoke the tariffs, four times or so? Sort of, but the big China tariffs are still shining brightly! Americans are panicking for no one reason. Don’t take money out of the stock market simply because our Dear President might be tanking the economy. Like the Great One said, it might just be a little painful, but we’re okay with that! When the Almighty Trump says we’ll be okay and not upset about a little pain, he doesn’t mean just his rich friends, he means you too! So be okay with it! Now!
Republican leadership also told its members to stop holding town halls because there are so many people that absolutely hate what is happening around America since Trump took office. Now, does this sound like a panic move to keep Republicans from hearing negative reviews from those people who elected them? Absolutely not. It sounds like the brilliant beginning of a perfectly functioning Democratic-Autocracy. In our new form of government, those underlings don’t need to worry about what the peasants say! They won’t be worrying about being voted for anymore because the last election was the best one; and the last one!
Another Lib complaint this week that has been unjustly attributed to the Supreme Leader is that prices haven’t gone down. Now while this is true, it’s Joe Biden’s fault! Donald did promise that he would bring down prices immediately after being elected and hasn’t actually tried yet, but he’s been focused on other really important things. Who’s going to watch Baby Elon while he fires the whole government? Who’s going to get rid of all that DEI equal rights nonsense? Who is going to try and ban transgender athletes? Priorities people! I’m sure The Good Donald really cares about how much goods cost for average people, and not just his rich friends!
Finally, the Ukraine. After that ungrateful Zelensky came in and started shouting at our Esteemed President and relatively Esteemed Vice President, people were shocked that we cut off their funding and information flow! C’mon people, what would you do if someone you’d been letting stay on your couch tried to yell back at you when you yelled at them to thank you for the 10,000th time when they had only thanked you very publicly 9,999 times? Exactly; you’d be pissed! As for all those conspiracy theories that Trump is secretly in love with Vladdy Putin and is doing all of his bidding to make the United States his pet because of that? Unrealistic, no proof, witch hunt.
So, that’s it for this week folks, just another beautiful week in MAGAmerica. Time so sit back, relax, and watch the world burn!
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