Welcome Patriots (And All of You Enemies from Within)!

     I’d like to start this blog by celebrating what is sure to be a chaos free upcoming four years! Just like the majority of the country that voted for former and soon to be President Trump, I absolutely remember how calm and carefree we all were during his first term! Before I get into Trump’s already rapist-studded(whoops!), I mean star-studded cabinet appointees, his many goals that in no way line up directly with project 2025 (he said it’s true so as loyal cultists we must believe!), and his absolutely not racist, sexist, and Nazi-esque constant not-gaffs, let’s rehash his peaceful and joyous first presidential term!

     It all began with that glorious ride down the golden escalator. That was the time when you, me, and all of the lovely MAGA majority knew that this was no ordinary man. That golden escalator said “Hey guys, I’m a man of the people, I’m the same as you! We’re going to ride all of our golden escalators to one utopia made for everyone!” And sure enough, that’s what happened!

      If this was a video medium, I would ask the producers to cue the montage of the love fest that happened from there. But since it isn’t, I’ll do my best to describe all of the love filled family-separating hijinks that our guy ran into, orange-face first from there.

     To go through every highlight would be impossible, there were so many people on whom our Trump had a near miraculous effect. Let’s start with this gem, Trump transitioned into the presidency! It was beautiful, that disgrace of a President Obama was polite and gave over the reigns of power as he should have, but Trump accepted that power with such grace, it was truly a sight to behold. And sure, the whole locker room talk fiasco and the many accusations of sexual misconduct weren’t great, but at least it was all FAKE NEWS! 

     Then, in his second year as president, our man gave everyone a HUMONGOUS tax break, what else could we ask for as loyal conservatives? Now, ask yourself, our president was busy running the country, writing a tax code change all on his own, how could he have time for anything else? Well, one other campaign promise started to be fulfilled during year two. I don’t know about you, but I am so tired of those illegal immigrants coming into our country! They come here, work on farms, work in construction, and all those other jobs that us white and blue collar white folk really want! They’re taking our jobs! Anyway, the great President Trump started creating a solution for that problem those dems could never think of anything to do to resolve: immigration. It is obviously so simple to fix! BUILD A WALL! Okay, so the wall was never finished, it costed more than it was supposed to, Mexico didn’t end up paying for any of it, and many people and animals have died because of it. But really, who could’ve seen that coming? I personally can’t wait for “The Wall Part Deux: Full Completion.”

     2018; another great year for the big guy. Okay, yes, some people say he accomplished almost none of his agenda with a full Congress of Republicans, but I explained in the paragraphs above that he accomplished a lot. Of course the libs will say otherwise, but that’s why we won, right? Really, he also had a full plate, remember all those athletes that kept coming to the White House because they were attention starved? That amazing man kept feeding them McDonalds, which everyone knows tires you out, so isn’t it amazing he did what he did while eating that garbage so often? Damn liberals… Anyway, Trump withdrew from the useless Iran nuclear deal his predecessor had unwittingly worked for years to establish to create some form of Middle East peace (Ha! As if). Then he closed the pandemic office to cut some government over spending. I mean sure, that one backfired a little bit, but we probably saved what, like a million bucks on that? Oh wait that’s how many people died from the COVID pandemic less than two years later… Well after that, Trump began his bromances with Putin and Kim Jung-Un, and nothing bad came from that! They’re some stand up guys. Imagine hanging out with the three of them; conservative bucket list item number one! 

     After the longest government shutdown in history to start 2019 (it could happen to anybody!) good old Donald’s flight against the fake FBI report about Russian interference in the 2016 election on his behalf began. America, if we can’t depend on our best dictator buddies to interfere here and there on our behalf, what kind of a world are living in? From there, it was all pretty basic stuff. Two witch hunt impeachments, a pandemic began, old Donny had to move some protestors to get the perfect angle of him in front of a church with an upside down bible (best portrait of all time!), unemployment hits 22 million, the so called “Pandemic” got into full swing and big daddy Trump suggested a bunch of effective treatments while degrading those dumb public health officials, he also withdrew us from the international arms deal and there was that one joyous day on January 6th when he definitely DID NOT incite an insurrection. Just really basic stuff in that last year, because all of those liberals in congress didn’t want to make real progress.

     So, with that review brightening up our day, we look forward to another four years of real Republican progress. Making things better for everyone, one X at a time. So while these Lib snowflakes are over here crying about, well, I’m sure they’ll find something, we’ll be making America great again again. I’ll be back reporting on our favorite President and the amazing actions he’s taking to take America back for us! 

     P.S. I’ve heard that the Deep State will be skimming this article and plugging in its own links to provide “research” and what they call “facts” about the information contained here, don’t let it dissuade you, patriots! Keep fighting for our great and powerful leader!

#MAGAFOREVER