Rejoice all you patriots! Your savior is back in the White House soon with a brand new plan for our economy. First off, the future president has promised he will fix everything, economy first! So, those of you worried that the Biden created inflation will last forever, fear not! With a combination of tariffs on our closest trade partners and China as well as getting rid of those do nothing immigrants, our country will once again shine whitely! Plus, along with Prince Elon, our good Donald is going to boost our unions, he said he would!
The problem we find ourselves in now is the Biden created inflation. Inflation is the highest it’s been in decades and only barely sinking lower! The entire world experienced extremely high inflation and the supply chain problems made prices rise higher. Greedflation is also real, okay, okay libs, we’ve heard all that; can we get to the real reason now? Democrats! Their inability to miraculously lower prices immediately is inexcusable! That’s why our Trump surged to a popular vote win! We did it, we convinced all those morons, I mean true believers, that we’ll take care of all those price problems, immediately!
Enter tariffs, the answer to the entitled American’s prayers. So, just a quick overview for those of you who don’t know, tariffs work like this: we say “tariffs on”, pick a huge number that sounds good, countries volunteer to pay more to give us goods because we’re awesome, and poof! Lower prices. Now, the libs will tell you that really tariffs drive up prices for consumers because they make importing goods more expensive, like WAY more expensive, but that’s why they’re the libs, right? Is it actually a tax on imported goods that American companies end up paying? Does that cost end up getting passed onto consumers? Just like the libs to always worry about some intellectual nonsense.
Of course the second tier of the one true Trump’s plan to fix our severely broken but still best economy in the world is getting rid of the immigrant infestation! They are just drug dealers and violent criminals, they don’t help our economy at all, and getting rid of them is the cheapest way to fix that problem. They’re a drain on the average, tax paying American! Far more than that top 1% of people who pay zero taxes and get government paid contracts, tax breaks, and incentives to cut the costs of their production! The nerve of these people fleeing persecution to come to America, and asking people like prince Elon to pretend to pay for their needs!
Prince Elon, our new dancing jester. Isn’t it great, patriots, that this nerd is simultaneously willing to finance our elections and also dance around like a trained monkey? I know, if we had empathy it would be sad, but being as we don’t, it’s HILARIOUS! I mean, this guy, with somewhere around thirteen kids he doesn’t see, is so desperate to find love and acceptance that he has become King Trump’s court jester? Just a great laugh. Anyway, this guy is getting kind of obnoxious already, right? Trying to be the president’s assistant rather than assistant to the president? This may not last long… His money, however, is fantastic! He is letting us primary any RINO who doesn’t get in line, so we can do whatever we want! But for real, can we get one of those rich Russian oligarchs that just shuts up and opens the vault?
Finally the unions. Trump has said he will strengthen the unions for all Americ… I can’t! This one I can’t. As much as I love you Donny, I can’t say you’ll help unions with a straight face, I just can’t! I can’t even write that down! I mean, you and clown boy were just joking about union busting like what, a month ago? It’s okay, we really don’t need this one. Unions are bad for business, we know that. These people voted you in to be good for business and that’s what matters! Supporting unions, that’s good.
We are all looking forward to the new Trump world, and we’re jumping in economy first. We have all the rich kids on board, and we’re going to make them even richer. Enough will trickle down, right? Didn’t that theory of economics work? Eh, who remembers, we’ll say it did and it will again! It will help make America great again again!