Here we go again, Patriots. The Radical Left is once again stealing the spotlight from our Supreme Leader. The day of our new president’s inauguration is trying to be played down by the Libs by placing Martin Luther King Jr. Day on the same day! Is that not outrageous? Now these Libs are playing up the “fact” that this holiday falls on the same day every year; don’t believe it! The third Thursday, who set that up? When the Radical Left planned this on the third Thursday, they knew it would fall on the inauguration of Trump Day! The Faux News doesn’t care how long ago it was planned, they knew! This is yet another example of a Lib conspiracy trying to undermine the attention our Great Leader needs and deserves! Imagine the tantrum he’ll throw if he’s upstaged by a dead Civil Rights leader, it will be ugly people, we can’t let that happen! There aren’t enough Big Macs in the world to calm him down!
Nonetheless, the MAGAts will persevere. We will have the greatest inauguration ever with even more people than the last inauguration! The last one FID have the most people of all time, no matter what Obama and his disgraceful supporters and pictures and videos try to claim! We all know the real truth, the first Trump inauguration was the biggest, that’s why we have to throw this all-out celebration this time! Not to compensate for something of the president’s that is very small, just to celebrate our man’s HUGE crowd size! Besides, they say size doesn’t matter, but it really doesn’t matter for Trump because his crowd size is huge! Shut up, it is!
At the event will not only be the amazing MAGA cabinet, but the MAGA Oligarchy as well. In attendance will be Prince Elon, lil’ Zucky, and that guy Bezos who seems to have something brown stuck to his nose now, have you all seen that? Brown-nose Bezos, front row. It’s crazy to hear, isn’t it? Didn’t that brown nose guy used to be a Lib, too? These rich guys are coming to MAGA like flies to shit! Must mean that they are really brave, to buck all of those people pressuring them to follow their consciences. No problem for that trio, though! They’ll be front row trying to get all of the MAGA love and attention they can, it certainly won’t be disgusting to watch!
We re all looking forward to a great event. Maybe even some amazing newsworthy announcements? More than you’ll get from watching black and white videos about that old liberal trouble maker MLK. Maybe Trump the genius will announce his plan for making Canada the 51st state, maybe he’ll explain how we’re going to make Greenland a new US territory, or maybe he’ll explain how we are going to Annex South America and rename it South Trumpington! So many different ways this could go! We could hear about how he’s going to enact tariffs on our closest trade partners and somehow not cost consumers millions, how he’ll deport all the brown people and get the whites working in the fields, or how he plans to drill a giant hole in Earth to extract all the oil that’s left! Any of those would be great and make the day exciting! We here at the Faux News are hoping he breaks out a surprise military parade, he always wanted to do those before to be like his pals Putin and Un. The possibilities are endless, so be sure to tune in MAGAts! One final note, to anyone saying that his “crowd size” is so small that the cold weather would make it inverted forever and that’s why he moved the ceremony indoors, it simply isn’t true, snowflakes!
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