For two terms now, Donald Trump has been flexing his knowledge and expertise at real estate and land acquisition. First, he proposed that the United States buy Greenland on the cheap. That was an amazing idea! Sure, it wasn’t exactly possible or plausible, but it was a hell of an idea! Sure Greenland is covered in ice, but what would a Trump International Hotel made of solid ice with 10,000 red, white, and blue flags hanging around it look like? Heaven, that’s what! Bringing it up again just recently hints that “Trump International: World Domination,” may be coming to theatres soon!
Then, our one Trump made the magnificent observation that Africa was full of shithole countries! We weren’t exactly trying to buy them, having the opportunity to buy them, or really engaged with them in any way, but man! What if we had bought that land? A bunch of people that… well, don’t look American walking around everywhere? Donald Trump, and therefore my nightmare! Imagine a Trump Hotel there, what would it be made of? Cardboard? Polio vaccines? Either way it would be made of a bunch of useless stuff. No value there. Shithole countries are NOT a place to build!
I’m sure there were a billion amazingly intelligent real estate decisions between the shithole designation and this next one, but thinking we could simply annex Canada, for free? This man is a genius, state 51? Seriously, to consider this over simply doing the same with land we already own in Puerto Rico to make that the 51st state? What a genius! Of course Canada would simply give all of their land to us! It’s not as if they have a completely independent and highly functioning government. Yes, they are one of our most important trade partners and our neighbors, but who cares if we anger them? They’re polite Canadians, they’ll get over it, eh? It’s also not as if they spent hundreds of years under the regime of another oppressive government. Obviously if those things were true and anyone took two seconds to consider them they wouldn’t propose such an idea. But Canada was never held by another… oh, wait. Well either way, England is way worse than us and they secretly want to be the 51st state! You know it, Canada! And so do all of us MAGATS!
Finally, re-taking the Panama canal. I could really lay down and bathe in the amazingosity of this idea. Imagine how much money we would make by taxing that land! I bet Panama would even pay to make it ours again, just like Mexico will, I’m sure one day, pay for the wall! Will taunting all of these countries cost the United States in the end? Will all of our allies start distrusting us again as they SUPPOSEDLY did under the first Trump term? Will Libs ever stop complaining about these ridiculously far-fetched worries? Nope! Never! Goodnight MAGATS, another great day in the wonderful world of MAGA!
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