Could it be, Patriots? Could the beloved app that allows each person to share their thoughts on cooking and racism have disappeared forever? Is it all Sleepy Joe’s fault? The answers are no and of course, in that order.
On a day when The Faux News crew woke up and thought, “Geeze, there may not be much news today, what is there to write about?” the Donald did not disappoint. As this Faux News reporter went to look at the racist news of the day on TikTok, a message came up, a brilliant message in dark font and a shining white background. This message said that TikTok was suspended currently, but The Savior Donald Trump would be working to save it! What a message to sway the youth and Neo-Nazis of TikTok! Not that the Neo-Nazi’s need any convincing at this point, but we swear we don’t want them anyway (you’re an integral part of MAGA, Neo-Nazi fam!)!
Along with that gift of a message from the TikTok Chinese owners, that glorious memory hole makes this all look like Joe Biden and the Dems’ fault! Did Supreme Leader Donald originally start this ban on TikTok? Absolutely! It’s owned by those Chinese and didn’t help MAGA in any way. Now? Emperor Donald did what any good dictator would do and arbitrarily changed his mind. Tik Tok may have catapulted us to victory, so it’s super important that it not be banned! Things couldn’t be any better in MAGA world!
The ban itself; those Radical Libs that love to disagree, and of course the RINOs, are now pointing out the “amount of American data the Chinese have because of that app and they could hack our entire infrastructure if they want if the app is allowed to continue to exist in its current form.” Pfft, what a stupid argument. Those devil’s advocates are incapable of seeing that the actual value of this outweighs the risk. It helped the Emperor, so it is far more important than the average person’s private data, American power plants and bridges, or anything else for that matter!
TikTok has taken America into a whole new age of information sharing. Before it, no one could see the amazing dance moves you created, they just had to try and interpret them from measly words on Twitter or Fakebook. They couldn’t see that Nazi flag “accidentally” hung in the background of your frame, they had to interpret whether or not you were a racist from your racist tirades alone! Imagine that. Most important of all, they couldn’t assume your MAGA affiliation by your posts about the UFC, anti-vax rhetoric, crazy conspiracy theories that make “normal” people wonder, “is it possible that they really believe this stuff?”, random hateful thoughts, or complaints about everything in life that you could think to complain about, now they simply have to see your MAGA hat to know! Or, they did only have to see your MAGA hat to know.
So, now begins the Joe Biden TikTok ban. Where do we go from here? Do we go to reels on Fakebook or Insta? Or whatever Twitter has now that is equivalent? Absolutely not. Now we wait for The Don to leverage the owners of TikTok into selling to another member of our MAGA Oligarchy. Whether that’s Prince Elon, Lil’ Zucky, Brown Nose Bezos, or another background billionaire, only time will tell. Whoever it happens to be, we here at The Faux News have faith that they will fix TikTok just like Prince Elon fixed Twitter. Once that happens, our Right Wing Propaganda Machine will be complete, and the world will be ours MAGAts!
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