Good evening, Patriots! This has been a year of surprises here at The Faux News. Little did we think that we would be saying, “Welcome to MAGA, Mark Zuckergerg!” Much like the other happy surprises, though, Little Zucky decided to bend the knee to the Almighty Trump. At the same time he was saying that companies like his aren’t masculine enough, nonetheless! It’s a good thing that we aren’t judging these billionaire tag-alongs based on irony, because some of these tools would be out on their wannabe asses if we did.
People have said over the years that Zuckerberg is a confusing person. The truth is though, he’s not. He just knows that he can’t butter his own bread, so he needs to go to a place where someone will do it for him! In this interview that aired, Zucky explained that his own company (which, one would imagine, he creates the policy for) isn’t masculine enough. He didn’t exactly explain what that means, but he did say that DEI is one reason for this problem. You may be asking yourself, how does a company become more masculine? Well, isn’t that obvious folks? Haven’t you seen the Wolf of Wall Street? It’s a combination of cocaine, treating women like objects, a lot of thirty something white males, and management being huge selfish dicks to get their way. Basically, get rid of HR and all of those other Lib policies and life in corporate America will be grand!
You have to know that, in becoming a MAGAt like us, Little Zucky had some other grievances. The second one we’ll look at here is his obvious problem with his own decision to censor hate speech and misinformation. If you were a billionaire who owned a social media machine and you took the “bold” step to censor certain things when they led to violence, hate, and genocide, wouldn’t you be mad if enough people didn’t pat you on the back for it? We here at the Faux News certainly would be! That is exactly what happened to Zucky. Back when he was trying to be a Radical Lib himself, he censored Our Trump after the Day of Love that was January 6th 2021. Well, those Libs didn’t show him the appreciation he alone thought he deserved for this, so now he’s changed sides. Their loss! As long as this sissy brings his billions with him, welcome to MAGA! Added benefit, no more fact checkers on Facebook? Yes please! Not that we here in MAGA would ever spread misinformation (wink, wink!) but if we wanted to, now there is no one to stop us! “Community Tracking” will be responsible for misinformation; the same system Twitter uses, lol! Yeah, those community boards will be able to nip it in the bud!
Finally, Little Zucky revealed what might break this relationship, too. Along with his grievances and gifts, he made the mistake of asking for a gift on the first date. Who does that? It’s not even something that is talked about because everyone just knows, don’t ask for something before you’ve done anything (unless you’re Emperor Trump)! Mark is making public his desire for the Dictatorial One to interfere in other countries’ governments on his behalf to limit fact checking policies across the world and to keep the EU from fining him. Now, while this would benefit no one more than us MAGAts, you’re asking the King to get off his golden toilet, drop his phone AND his McDonalds, and pick up the phone to call, like, ten people? Are you serious, bro? Let’s take this thing slowly here. Let’s see how much you, Mark Zuckerberg, can do for MAGA before you start to think MAGA will do ANYTHING for you. I mean, what was it, four months ago that we were talking about sentencing you to life in prison? Now you want the MAGA/’Merica King to go out of his way to help you? If you can’t read the slow moving body signals from The Great Trump, they’re saying SLOW IT DOWN!
In the meantime, we’ll see how much we can really use the Fakebook as a misinformation machine. Let’s see if we can push our messages uncensored, hurt people that disagree with us, and generally further push the country to the right by blatantly lying to them. If you can help us with that, Marky Mark, maybe we’ll see if The King will twist some arms for you down the road. Maybe.
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